dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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