I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
