he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize