Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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