you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
