He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
