i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
