your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
