is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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