i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
