And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Did I show you my penis last night?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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