My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
