WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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