I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You need a sexual gate keeper
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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