So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
