Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
