if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
