I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
