This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
