Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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