i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
