My liver just broke up with me...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize