Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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