I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
