Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
