i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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