Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
