you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
