i just wanna soil my oats bro
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
