i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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