You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
