we have officially lost it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
