your room smells of hookers.
And success
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
