good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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