I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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