ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
