So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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