we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
