please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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