she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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