I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
