It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
