not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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