I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
