Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
