remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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