Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was confusing and full of hummus
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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