he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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