ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
