Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
