i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
