He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
