i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
