So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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