my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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