I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They took my balls.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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