totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
