just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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