No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she looked like the before picture.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
