Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I skipped work to stalk him.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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