Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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