I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
