I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
tell me about the eggs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
