is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
