lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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