Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
