I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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