i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
