Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
