I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i was born a porn star she said
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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